[sak9645]

I know a single, older woman who traveled to China with her previously adopted Chinese daughter. The girl was in the age range of your sons.

In many ways, things went very well. One of the main reasons was that the woman brought along several relatives who helped to ensure that BOTH children got plenty of individual Mom time, and that the older child got to do some exploring while Mom was busy with boring adoption formalities. Also, the older girl was an adventuresome eater and a fairly good traveler who enjoyed seeing new places.

On the other hand, there WERE meltdowns and they were spectacular. The older child tended, even before travel, to be clingy and intense. She was most likely to melt down when she was overtired, and she was not the world's best sleeper. There WERE instances where the older child stated that she wished the newly adopted child could be given back.

The newly adopted child turned out to be a very curious and ACTIVE baby, who kept the Mom VERY busy. The child also was somewhat intense, though not quite as much so as her big sister. This was a bit hard for the older child, although she was often helpful with her new sibling.

Once home, I think the benefits of taking the older child outweighed the drawbacks. The two siblings bonded well, and the older child became extremely protective of her younger sister. The older child also was very proud to tell her classmates and everyone else about how she climbed the Great Wall and so on.

The Mom, though somewhat frazzled by the end of the trip, especially since both girls wanted to sleep in her bed at times, is well known to all who know her as an immensely patient and calm person. Before she took on the task of parenting an active and intense second child, she was amazing in dealing with her first child. And she managed to handle the stresses of having two children beautifully, both in China and once they got home.

It was also helpful that the woman was in a tiny travel group of just three or four families, and was an experienced traveler apart from her adoption trips. She did not have to conform to the regimentation of a big group. She could do some things on her own, without the group. Her relatives could help the other families, as well as her. And so on.

Sharon