Dear Suzy, the only consolation I can offer is that you are not alone in your experience; not the first and not the last. Even if we created the perfect system we can't completely control for human error. And the system is very far from perfect. You did the right thing, and maybe caused some minor system change, by going straight to the top - loudly.
For far too long State and County systems have treated foster parents and preadoptive parents as subordinate pawns in a system that focuses almost solely on process rather than outcomes. It is a basic poker game wherein the bet is that you will put up with virtually any affront out of fear for the removal of your children. What a surprise that birth parents in the system report feeling exactly the same way. To be fair to child welfare, and especially many wonderful social workers, its generally a better system than all the other ones we deal with; planning depts, probate, divorce court, the IRS, the INS, and now the Homeland Security Administration (or Bill of Non-Rights as someone said the other day).
I read today that a NYC police officer has been suspended for 30 days for refusing to arrest a homeless man, whose only crime was sleeping in a parking lot. Maybe change is in the wind at last....
Graham
