[Isabo]

Brandy,

I am sorry that I was not more clear in my statements. In closed adoptions, I believe that most aparents are faced with having to weave a story for their adopted children that helps them to understand their adoption experience. What I was trying to say was that I was sorry that the story the poster was told did not seem to leave room for any place for her first mother. Being told that God made her just for the aparents seems to me to eliminate the role of the first mother completely. I was trying to say that I wish that she had been raised to see her first mother as having a role in her life other than as a mere genetic donor. I was not trying to say that her first mother actually loved her - which I hope that she did - but that I wish she had been raised to believe that (unless there is clear evidence to the contrary). I cannot imagine what harm it would do to a child to be raised to believe their first mother loved them and played a role in their life that was greater than as a donor of genetic material (again, unless there is clear evidence to the contrary). If the adult adoptee finds out differently, then I am truly sad about that, but as an adult they will be able to process and deal with that information. As children, wouldn't it be less damaging to believe that their mother loved them, especially if there is no evidence to the contrary? The mere fact of relinquishment in no way establishes that they were not loved.

I was and am talking about what I believe and what I wish would happen or would have happened. I guess I need to start every sentences that way to make sure that the intent of my sentences is clear. I will try to keep that in mind. I was not trying to tell the poster how her first mother actually felt.

Again, I am sorry that I was not more clear.