Hello. I do not know how helpful I can be, but I grew up in a household where I looked noticeably different from the rest of my family. First off, each individual has their own strength of character. Please nurture these differences. If one of your sons does grow up to feel confused, low self-esteem, or bothered by being adopted (and this can be either, both, or neither son), know that this attitude may be part of their character.It is not always the environment. Personally, I liked looking different from everyone else. It let me feel independent and distinguishable in a lasrge household. Having said that, there are certain things that may upset children. People asked my parents things like where did she get her looks? What does the mailman look like?, etc. Tactless comments. My mom's responses were not that great. If people make these comments, chances are they are strangers. You do not owe them an explanation. When my oldest children were toddlers, people would ask me if those kids were mine. I said yes. Then they invariably asked me how old I was. This is because I have a youthful appearance. This was not their business. I get comments about our children, some biological, some adopted. Oh, his eyes look just like yours! He is so handsome! My response is, "Thank you." My mom made a point in letting people know that I was adopted and did not look like her, Dad, or the other children. Just say thank you and move on.
I see I am taking up to much space. If you have questions for me, please email me at
davidandmary4@yahoo.com I know I did not even touch on some of your issues. Do not let people make you feel unsure and doubtful. Children pick up on that faster than anything and worse, sometimes they reflect it.
Blessings,
Mary