[cathvash]

Hi everyone... This is not one I hoped to write. I am now in region for a blind referral, Trip 1! I just arrived (here it's Saturday evening) and l left on Thursday, travelling straight through...Can't say where the last 2 days went, but there were many flights and delays and lost luggage (now found). The transpacific flight had so much turbulance that it was a bit like trying to sleep in a chair thrown in the back of a hummer while it's off-roading. I am so exhasuted and stressed out after all the last minute preparations, work stresses, leaving my daughter behind, lack of sleep and traveling alone... The brain is fried!

When I stepped off the plane I met my facilitator and was immediately handed the referral info. -Age, sex, medical info, and pictures. Yes, literally as I am standing there with my bags in front of the airport!
Shouldn't have done it because of my current state, but I couldn't help it.... I started reading it right away! By the time we got to the hotel, I was an emotional basketcase, but tried to remain pleasant and do the small talk, all the while my mind reeling.

The problem is that I so desperately want everything to be "right", but frankly this referral is scaring me. It doesn't help that this child is about the cutest little kid I have ever seen. Birthmom did IV drugs. Baby tested positive for several nasty things but seroconverted and is now "clean". The most frightening thing is that baby was premature, and was and still is at 2 1/2 years off the growth charts for ht/wt/ and head circumference!! I mean BELOW 0 percentile!

I know, I know - get an IA doc's opinion, and I am, but they are out of pocket until Monday morning which is when I'm supposed to go to the baby home. In the meantime my mind is spinning. Part of me thinks I should decline the referral before I even meet the child based on the fact that is seems likely a child with these issues and exposure to IV drugs will at some point develop problems I am not equiped to deal with... Is that a logical thought? Is it even right? If I don't even meet this child, maybe it won't be so hard...

Any thoughts or ideas about challenges I might encounter if I accept the referral of a tiny child who had exposure to IV drugs in the womb?

Thanks...I'm going to finally sleep now, and will read your responses when the brain is more coherent...