Hi,
My name is Michelle. I have read you post. First of all I would like to say you are not crazy or a bad woman. I am the child of an abusive father. And I do mean every kind of abuse there is. My father has called me every name in the book as a child. Well the might I finally got away from him was the night my life before that night had started all over again. My mother had left my father then abandoned me. I have been in foster homes and with relatives since. I met the love of my life when I was 17 (or so I thought). I went through the exact same thing you are now. I have been called crazy and a few other choice names I will not write on here. I am sure you probably know what I am saying.He began to abuse me hitting and cusing me for everything in the book. I was not allowed to speak to anyone on the phone or in person. He would go through my clothes and throw away what he did not want me wearing. I was not allowed to have or spend money. I was not allowed to speak to my family members. I could only speak to his. When I had to take the kids to the doctor he would accuse me of cheating with the doctor or going somewhere else. He has called me crazy and I have actually been in a mental hospital for trying to commit suiside. I thought that was the only way out then. I was only 18 and had a child at the time. My family would not have anything to do with me at all. I had him put in jail so many times. I was working one day and he called my work and told me I better get home now. So I was afraid and so I can home he wanted me to go buy beer for him. I told him no so he began to hit me he sat on top of me so I could not move at all. He hit me in the head with a cooking pot until the handle broke off. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict. I have carried black eyes and bruises for along time as a child and an adult. My life has gotten better since he has gone to jail for three months. That was 2 years agon and he has never hit me again because I finally had enough and let all my feelings out and told him thatif he hit me again I would kill him if I had to. I am 27 now I have 4 children, 2 boys; Ronnie-8, Dustin-6 and 2 girls; Brianna-5 and Faith-2. My oldest child is 80 percent deaf. My second child has a kidney disease. If I had it to do over again theere is no way that I would. I guess what I am saying is that you need to get away while you still can. My life today is still afected by what I have been through in my life. As a child being abused and watching my mother being abused has caused me to have chronic manic depression or so the doctors say. I still have panic attacks and am very nervous about every little thing. I get upset about everything. What I am trying to say is that if you do not get out for yourself you really need to get out for your children. Because even if he does not hit them now they still see what you are going through and it will affect them when they get older I am proof of this.I always wondered why this had to happen to me. I know how you are feeling and I also know how hard it is to leave someone you love and care about so much. I know how they always say they are sorry and they will never do it again. You are a special lady and you need to live your life the way you want to. Not the way someone tells you to it is just that YOUR LIFE. I am sorry to take all of your time. I just want to help you. I know it does not always get better. I wish you all the luck in the world.
May God Bless You and always watch over you. I hope that I have helped you in some way.
You can email me anytime you need to talk about anything. I also think that if you leave your husband it would be better to leave right after he goes to work then you know you will have that much time ahead of him.
Sincerely,
smichellek@aol.com Your Friend,
Michelle