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What a great thread, Mike. Did I think I would be doing this? Well, God bothered me about doing this for years, and I would all but stick my fingers in my ears and sing "la, la, la, I can't hear you!" I represented foster parents in court, and I knew how poorly they were treated. But, He backed me into a corner, and I agreed, with conditions--HA! I am sure the angels and saints got a good laugh out of that one! Everything I said I didn't want, I got: RAD, FAS, sexual reactivity.
Everything I thought was important, well, I didn't know what I was talking about. Speak Spanish to my kids? Please, it's a miracle I got them to speak standard English! Continuing relationship with birth family? They didn't care enough to show up for sibling visits, and they have done nothing to contact me now. I will be contacting them, trying to set up a visit next month, but my dreams of cooperation, those were just dreams. I fully expect them not to do anything to make a visit happen.
I didn't know homework could be a stick of dynamite that could blow up your house. I didn't know sibling visits were empty, depressing, agonizing exercises. I didn't know I would end up being physically assaulted by my own kids. I didn't know my pets would get hurt. I didn't know my kid would be the worst performing, worst behaved kid in class. I didn't know my kids would choose destructive things that would hurt them and that I would have to watch. I really didn't know I was capable of that much aggravation or anger.
And yet, I also didn't know I could love unconditionally--really unconditionally, as in, I love them, they love driving stakes into my heart. I didn't know my faith would grow. I didn't know my kids would be the most devout kids in church. I didn't know I would meet the most committed parents ever by doing this. I didn't know my kids would like fine cuisine, sports, opera, art museums, and poetry, because I showed it to them. I didn't know that the things I thought I definitely couldn't do, I can do. I may not like it, but I can do it.
This is what I was meant to do. I often would prefer a simpler assignment, but this is the one I got. I used to think, why were these people sent to me? God, you really ought to send them to Lucy, she knows how to do this better than me and has the better temperment. And, in fact, it is true that she is a better therapeutic parent than me and has a better temperment. But, thanks to her example, among other things, I am not a bad therapeutic parent as it turns out. And, the kids were supposed to be Catholic, and Lucy's not Catholic, so that's why they had to be with me. And Lucy, you WERE meant to do this, you are an awesome mom and a huge inspiration to dozens and dozens of special needs parents!
When you hear the radio documentary or the tv special ask, "What are you doing to make a difference?" we definitely have an answer that is unassailable: I love children who otherwise would be thrown away. The thought of these kids being unloved by anyone, of being abused all through their childhood, well, that is too much to bear. That's why we do what we do.
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