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Sorry I have been away for so long. The following text is my opinion. In the end you will have to decide what you think is the proper thing to do,.
Regarding contact with they birthmother, I think you should see what the children want to do. If they want to see her, they let them see her. I do not think you should FORCE them to see her. If they don't want to see her, then don't take them to see her. If they ever say they don't want to see her, even after they have previously visited her, I would not make them see her.
I remember being forced to see my birth mother when I was a child and I HATED it.
This is my honest feeling. Hope this helps.
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