[Janetemac]

Hello, Well I am new here and I never thought I would do this but I need some advice and maybe I can give some, well here I go.
Back in 1990 I was in-group homes and I ran away at 16 years old. While on the run I met a 26 year old and fell in love???? Then I got pregnant. I wanted this baby more than anything. Social services found me and tried to take me back but I convinced a judge to let me go I had a job and an apartment. After the judge agreed the social workers followed me day and night and would stop me in the store to tell me what a horrible parent I would be. The big day came and I went to the hospital in labor, I asked the Dr for pain meds but I was denied I was told that I needed to feel this pain to understand that I was to young to have a child. Then after 15 hours of labor the contractions wouldn't go away I had a UTI but the nurses and DR said I deserved the pain. After 28 1/2 hours of labor with no meds I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He had to go to ICU because he pooped in his water from the stress of labor but of course I was told that it was my fault. I was there with him day and night until he came home. The social workers were even worse and I couldn't get rid of them no matter what. When my son was 3 months old I ended up pregnant again and the Social workers said that if I didn't give my son up for adoption they would take both of my kids. I did nothing wrong and I was a good mother but I ticked them off and that seems to be worse than poking a bear. I made them leave and the next day they came and took my son. She said that he was going to a more mature mother. I was devastated I fought them for a few months but there was only so much a 16 year old can do. So I promised my son that no matter what I wouldn't let him go with them. So I called an adoption agency and I choose the parents that I thought would be the best for him. Social services got so mad that they even tried to fight the agency to keep him, but I was still his mother. They promised to keep his name the same and always send letters and pictures.
Well that only lasted a few years and when he was 1 year old they mailed a letter to say that they changed his name. I was devastated but I could do nothing. I had 2 more children a boy and a girl. In 1995 both of my children were killed in a house fire when they were 4 years and 15 months old. My 1st son never got to know his brother or sister. As I was grieving I got a letter from Amother that they were sorry and she will send letters and pictures again. But I got 1 letter and 1 picture.
Soon I had 2 more children another boy and a girl. They both have always known whom he is and that he may want to meet us one day. I thank God that he has helped me through my 3 children being ripped from my arms.
Last week I received a call from the agency that amom wants to send pictures and a letter, I was on cloud 9 and I felt that what I have always dreamed about would soon come true. I got the pictures he is now 16 almost 17 years old and wants to know all about his sibs and me.
I was speechless for a few days. Then as I started reading the posts here I realized he may not want to meet me, I am a stranger to him that carries his blood and looks. I also realized that I cannot let this affect my children’s well being. In the past week I have gone over everything in my life, yes I had a hard time but my life is now on track. I would love nothing more than to bring my son back to me.
But I also know that it may take time and it may never happen. I am OK with that. Because the 1st time he was ripped from me and I never really got to say good-bye. But if he doesn’t want to meet me or be apart of this family at least I will get the chance to say good-bye the right way. I don't grieve the loss of my son because he is not dead, but I have always had a big gap in my heart that belongs to him. As I sit here and stare at his picture I am thankful that I have it> I know that he is alive and well.
Here is my question his bio dad liked very young girls back then and I have recently found out that nothing has changed. My son wants to get a picture of bdad and maybe contact him. Do I call the agency and tell them that I don't think this is a good idea or do I lie and say I don't know where he is. (When he found out I was pregnant he wanted me to abort and I wouldn't, 2 days later a 14 year old called and told me she to was pregnant by him but she did abort)
I have learned that what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger. Please give me some insight as to what I should do. I love my son and look forward to meeting him again and I just don't want him to get involved with this man. Am I wrong????