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First initial: E
Was the adoption of your placed child open or closed? closed (although in family - so similar to open except aparents never wanted acknowledge situation)
How many years separate your placed child from the first child you parented? 7 1/2
How was your pregnancy with your first parented child on an emotional level? Were there things that you experienced emotionally that you did not know to expect or caught you off guard? It was great to know what was going on with my body.
How was your delivery with your first parented child? How did your hospital experience differ from the delivery and stay with your placed child?
Delivery was great. Not quite as quick as the first, which is kind of weird. The hospital was very similar. Both times the dads were present. I think that had something to do with it. Of course, the second time I did not have the father's mother coming it proclaiming how we needed to "give him up".
During the first few weeks at home, did you find yourself thinking about your placed child? When? Why? How did you deal with those feelings? I don't remember back then. I think I did a good job at repressing all this until my son was nearing his 18th birthday.
Did you find yourself either amazed at your parenting abilities or doubting yourself entirely due to the placement of your first child? Why? How did you deal with these thoughts and feelings? I think I am overindulgent to my children. They have TONS of STUFF. I think the need for me to give them stuff comes from always hearing how these aparents could better care for my child's needs than I could. My kids have totally benefited from this line of Bull.
Did your success as a parent bring up any new emotions that you hadn't experienced prior to the birth of your first parented child? Did you feel angry with yourself or others involved in your adoption? Oh yeah. I have posted that I am mad at God. I have been mad at my parents, the aparents, myself for not being strong as I am today, the father, his &^%*) mother. Heck, I have even been mad at my son for having more loyalty to not hurt his amom than desire to just get to know me.
Did the feelings further solidify the decision that placement was the right option for your situation? I think this adoption was the worst that occurred. Having other children solidified that feeling. Not only have I been deprived a child, my kids have been deprived a sibling.
As your child grew, did your parented child's new milestones and life experiences bring up emotions? How did you deal with them? I think I repressed a lot until my son turned 17. Then the flood gates just gushed from there on out. I have a 1 year old now (in addition to my 9 and 7 year olds) and I equate her milestones to his, but I did not with the other two.
Did you/Do you have someone to discuss these kinds of topics with? During your pregnancy? As you continue to parent? If not, what do you do with these emotions? My husband is the best. He is the only support in all this. I am so blessed to have him. I wish I could have had him then too; I would not have had the placement occur.
What, if any, advice do you have for birthmothers looking to add to their family? I'm bad in the advice dept, but I would add, I did not have any of the things I read in the "Girls that went away". Most of my feelings came up post 18 year old child. I want to talk to someone about it, but now I am smart enough to know I don't want to talk to any counselor that is not trained and experienced with adoption issues.
Feel free to add anything you wish here: I'm interested in reading the various responses.
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