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Old 01-28-2007, 10:00 PM
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ca-bigsister ca-bigsister is offline
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New birth certificate

When things are in writing, it is more "real" to people. I know this from previous work as a paralegal in family law (divorce). Spouses would verbally call each other every name in the book during depositions, but when they saw what they said in writing (transcript of deposition or interrogatories - written questions and responses), they would go nuts.

Imagine you are your son. Yes, he had a terrible childhood otherwise he wouldn't be with you. However, his whole history is being rewritten by getting a birth certificate. His Biomom did give birth to him, and when we get a new birth certificate, it really takes that away. His foundation is being shook. The truth is that the biomom did give birth to him, not you. It is really hard for children to reconcile this on a primal level, even though we know that you are the best choice for him now.

I know because my mom was adopted when she was 2 by her stepfather and got a new birth certificate, but didn't know he was her stepfather (she thought he was biofather) until right before she was married. This shook her foundations.

My FD for years romanticized her biomom (drug addict, thief, liar, etc., prisoner) and biodad (in prison for attempted murder of his own father during a drug binge). It is only now that she is 15 and has been in therapy since she was 7 that she is finally seeing the truth about her bioparents and their weaknesses.

Your son will come around - this is just so much for a little guy to handle. Give it time. I know it's hard - believe me, when my FD was saying how great her bios were, I wanted to spit. I beat pillows in my bedroom, cried to friends, went to therapy, etc. But now she finally is seeing the truth.

Give it time, give him space, therapy, love, fun and it will eventually happen. But his foundation is really shook now and he doesn't know where to turn. He is turning against you because you are safe, and you will still love him. He is giving you his feelings because he (unconsciously) knows that you will still be there for him. Fun for us, huh? (Sarcasm).
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