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a couple more points I need to bring on, he was just recently diagnosed with RAD, he has been with us for 2 and a half years. We were licensed as foster/adopt, but when he was first placed it was over night, which turned into thru the weekend, which kept going on and on. When he was first placed with us he was seeing a counselor, but then his diagnosis was "failure to adapt" and the counseling was with his bio mom. Then when her rights were finally terminated it was the counselor who was chosen to tell him in a "therapuetic setting". Then he shut down, he refused to go to counseling, and when he did get there nothing was getting accomplished any more, so the couselor and we agreed to stop for a while. Then about 9 months later, his anger became out of control, I found a new counselor and started up again. He diagnosed fs with ODD and everything he tried failed, nothing was getting thru to fs, to the point where the counselor said he was as close to psychopath as he had ever seen in a kid. Again we stopped counseling, and things settled down for a while, at about the same time the court ordered a phsychological evaluation, and the GAL started pushing for approval for both individual and family therapy to begin, because they were all afraid of a failed placement. We finally got it all set up, but then the individual therapy still didn't happen because they said medicaid would not pay for both family and individual. Actually medicaid is not paying for the family, something else is. It was when he went in for his intake for the individual that they finally agreed he is RAD, and he has depression ONS. The family therapy is with someone very experienced with RAD, she actually has her own RAD son in addition to experience working with RAD kids in counseling. That is where the mom and dad thing came in. It puts you above the child in authority. He doesn't call us mom and dad, he is reluctantly calling us Mr and Mrs (last name). I finally got the call from that the individual therapy can now start they gave their approval, so I have to call to schedule that tomorrow.
He called his bio mom mama when he lived with her, so I have made it very clear I don't want him to call me mama, as that would be replacing her. I have thought about mom (first name), and will ask the therapist next time she is here.
My bio daughter used to tell me she hated me and wished I wasn't her mom when she was younger, and I never let that bother me, because I knew she was saying those things out of anger. She is 14 and we have a surprisingly good relationship, even for a teenager. Maybe that is why it is so hard to take from my fs, because if my daughter sees me as a good mom, then why can't he? (rhetorical question there)
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