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Originally Posted by vbigelow
I'll bet you will get as many different answers as you do respondants because everyone's set of circumstances is different. I met my son when he was 20. He was always curious about me and he a-parents encouraged him to search. Theoretically, they saw me as an extension of their family. Well, the a-dad did. The a-mom was jealous for a variety of reasons and I had my own resentments (coerced relinquishment being the first). We tried getting together for a few years and found that we were just so radically different (we are all about education; they are Jehovah's Witnesses) and the two mothers so uncomfortable with each other, it just didn't work. Sixteen years down the road, my adoptee son has strong, but different kinds of ties to both sides of his family, but the a-family and the b-family don't interact much.
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Its encouraging that the aparents encouraged your son to search for you. Isn't it curious though, when it actually happens, I can understand the amom being jealous, as it must hurt, no-one can escape the pain of reunion. I read somewhere that when an amom raises a son, to hear him call someone else "mom" just causes so much pain. I'm sad to hear that the aparents/ bparents/family can't mix, because of their being radically different. I think although his parents are JW's, it shows they were supportive of your son's search for you. I must admit to being confused by your comment that "We are educational, they are Jehovah's Witnesses" because I find JW's are very well informed people. Sounds to me like very unexpected emotional issues came to the fore? which can cause unexpected reactions, I can't say my reactions have been perfect, but then after depth charging upon meeting my son for the first time in 28 years......
Good to hear that despite your differences, your son has strong ties with both families. That sounds like reasonableness prevailed?