[thanksgivingmom]

This sunday I returned to church for a service for the first time since I gave birth, two months ago today. Ever since I gave birth I have seen Gods hand in everything far more than I did before. I have always believed, but when you witness a miracle such as growing a child inside of you and bringing it into this world (especially as I did it alone, with no complications, a very special miracle!) it is hard not to have that belief grow exponentially.

Anyway, I went to church and barely made it through the service. I was an emotional wreck, especially through the confession and forgiveness of sins. I felt this huge weight just descend upon me and experienced intense grief in that moment. I want church to be an uplifting experience and this weekends experience was incredibly painful. I felt so much more of the power of church, but I feel like I'm not ready, maybe like I'm not worthy.

I don't know, does this make sense with any of the other birthmothers?