[bromanchik]

First initial: BR (You can use my whole name if you like)

Was the adoption of your placed child open or closed?
Fully open


How many years separate your placed child from the first child you parented?
8 years (It would have been 7 years, but I lost my "second-first" baby in my 5th month of pregnancy.)

How was your pregnancy with your first parented child on an emotional level? Were there things that you experienced emotionally that you did not know to expect or caught you off guard?
Actually, I think I did all the emotional work before I got pregnant. I had about 6 months of therapy getting to the place where I felt "worthy" to parent. I then did a couple more preparing for parenting after adoption.)

How was your delivery with your first parented child?
Long. But really nice and different than my first.

How did your hospital experience differ from the delivery and stay with your placed child?
I was in a birthing center. My husband was with me the whole time and everyone was fantastic. I did let them know I had placed my first.

During the first few weeks at home, did you find yourself thinking about your placed child?
Absolutely. He was the first person I called after Kat was born.
When?
I also thought of him a lot when Kat was an infant. All the "this is what I missed stuff.
How did you deal with those feelings?
Mostly it made me realize how right the decision was for me. for me, infants and toddlers are a lot of work, fun as it is. I know I was not ready for that when I placed. Still, it was a double edged sword. I also saw all the wonderful stuff I missed.

Did you find yourself either amazed at your parenting abilities or doubting yourself entirely due to the placement of your first child?
I was/am a really good parent. I think for me, placing made me cherish the parenting time I have had with my kids even more. Even now that they are 11 and 14.

Did your success as a parent bring up any new emotions that you hadn't experienced prior to the birth of your first parented child? Did you feel angry with yourself or others involved in your adoption?
No. I worked that stuff out before I even got pregnant.

Did the feelings further solidify the decision that placement was the right option for your situation?
Yes.

As your child grew, did your parented child's new milestones and life experiences bring up emotions? How did you deal with them?
Not so often any more.

Did you/Do you have someone to discuss these kinds of topics with? During your pregnancy? As you continue to parent? If not, what do you do with these emotions?
I have a big mouth. I talked about it with everybody.

What, if any, advice do you have for birthmothers looking to add to their family?
I would say that preparation, even professionally, is a great idea.