[sweston66]

First initial: S

Was the adoption of your placed child open or closed? Closed

How many years separate your placed child from the first child you parented? 5 yrs

How was your pregnancy with your first parented child on an emotional level? I was emotionally stable. I was excited about having another child. I never regretted giving my first son up for adoption.

Were there things that you experienced emotionally that you did not know to expect or caught you off guard? I was only 15 when I was pregnant with my 1st son. My mother was dead. It was a very difficult time in my life, but emotionally I was stable and knew that this child would be better off with adult parents. With my first parented child I was 21 yrs old and married.

How was your delivery with your first parented child? I knew that I would have to have a C-section. The delivery went fine.

How did your hospital experience differ from the delivery and stay with your placed child? With my parented children I had the babies in the room with me. My hospital stay with my placed child was much different. No one wanted me to see my baby. I refused to sign the adoption papers until I was allowed to hold my baby and take pictures of him. Also due to my age they originally wanted to place me on the pediatric wing of the hospital. I spoke to my doctor and they agreed to place me in a semi private room. The hospital stay was scary and emotional. Everytime I requested to go to the nursery to see my baby, a nurse would come in and give me a pain shot so I would fall asleep. I had to have a C-section.

During the first few weeks at home, did you find yourself thinking about your placed child? Yes
When? All the time
Why? I loved my son. I knew I made the right decision, but I worried the adoptive parents wouldn't tell him when he was older he was adopted and the reason I gave him up, like they had promised through the attorney.

How did you deal with those feelings? I spoke with a counselor and my friends. I did alot of writing.

Did you find yourself either amazed at your parenting abilities or doubting yourself entirely due to the placement of your first child? I don't feel that the placement of my first child had any influence on my parenting skills.

Why? I was an adult when I had my second child and married.

How did you deal with these thoughts and feelings? There was nothing to deal with. Parenting is difficult and you do the best that you can.

Did your success as a parent bring up any new emotions that you hadn't experienced prior to the birth of your first parented child? No and I have never regretted giving my first son up for adoption.

Did you feel angry with yourself or others involved in your adoption? No

Did the feelings further solidify the decision that placement was the right option for your situation? Yes, I knew at the age of barely 16, I was not capable of raising a child. I wanted a better life for him than a teen mother with no support could give.

As your child grew, did your parented child's new milestones and life experiences bring up emotions? Yes, I wondered about my first son often and still do.

How did you deal with them? I prayed, and hoped that my first childs parents loved him and was excited about his milestones as I was for my first parented child's.

Did you/Do you have someone to discuss these kinds of topics with? Yes, I have always been open about the fact I gave a child up for adoption. I encourage pregnant teens to consider adoption as one of their options.

During your pregnancy? Yes, I went to a school for pregnant teens when my high school no longer wanted me to attend classes due to my pregnancy. We had to be home schooled and attend classes at the unwed mothers school. I also spoke with a counselor.

As you continue to parent? Yes I have friends and family to talk to about parenting. If not, what do you do with these emotions?

What, if any, advice do you have for birthmothers looking to add to their family? There is life after adoption. Depending on the circumstances involved with why you gave a child up, there is no reason not to have other children. Unless of course your child was taken away because you are an unfit parent. In that case do us all a favor and be sterilized.

Feel free to add anything you wish here: Since I gave my son up for adoption I have had 2 more sons. They have known about their older brother since they were old enough to understand what adoption is. I divorced when my children were 8 & 5 and have remained a single mother since then. They are now 19 & 16. We all look forward to the day we are reunited with my first son.