[JustMe]

Lisa, Stormy's advice is wonderful. I totally agree.

You know, when I saw the first letter our son's FirstMom wrote, she wrote of how our son looks so happy and at peace. To me it meant the world, that she could see beyond the picture to how he's feeling. Ya know? I don't try to send the perfect pics to her, but sometimes I wonder if she thinks they look contrived, when they're not. He's just a happy little guy and is always smiling and laughing. (Well, at 3:00 a.m. this morning he wasn't, but I never get out the camera at that time!) But for her to validate that she knows that he's happy and it gives her peace to see him taken care of, is a balm to my heart.

The words may look dorky on paper to you, but you should see how many times I've read my dogeared letters. Whenever I get discouraged wondering if I'm the best parent for our son, I get the letters back out and re-read them again. They are such an encouragement. I know your child's adoptive parents will feel the same way.

If you're having trouble coming up with what to write, then with that blank piece of paper start making a list. What do you want others to write to you? I promise you, it's the same way around...

Here's mine...
I want to know that I'm being thought of - not just because of being a parent to our child, but just because she's thiniking of me.

I want to know how her hard days are going and if she has peaceful days too. Do my letters & pictures help with that peace? Then that's even more kudos for me.

I want to know what her life is like now. If she's working or going to school or both, how she's doing. Not just because she's the FirstMother of our child, but just because she is who she is, and I want to get to know her. For in knowing her - I know our child better.

I want her to admit that it's hard to express herself on paper, because I'm the same way (but aren't we all???) and that makes me feel better to know that she struggles with writing too. Then I don't feel pressured to write the "perfect" letter. I can just be myself and let my hair down. If I told her that our child was a "little turd" sometimes in a letter, would she get offended? A great relationship would say no, because we're all comfortable knowing that there will be those kind of days too.

Hope this helps! Remember, you don't have to pour out your guts in this letter, just like Stormy says, make it from your heart. Even if it's just a simple "thanks" - it's a start of a beautiful friendship!

Holly