[Linny]

I have posted to these boards for some time now. I also post to other adoption boards. I am an adoptive mom six times over. We've adopted overseas, special needs, older and infant children. Most recently we've adopted through an attorney/agency. I have grown children, as well as very young children. I'm 45yrs old, have read and experienced a lot about the adoption triangle. Through all of this, we have formed our opinions.

I do not claim to know everything about adoption. I have learned much by some of the postings listed here. I have even been told by some, that I have been 'helpful'. I am honest in my statements and I do not tell others what type of adoption they should have, my views on 'fertility issues', or getting pregnant at all.

I am saddened that lately, whatever issues or situations are posted, the issues become clouded into one of two views:

'If you AREN'T in favor of open adoption, then you are the most thoughtless, selfish and cruel parent anyone would know!"

or

"If you ARE in favor of open adoption, then you are the most wonderful, thoughtful and giving parent anyone would know!"


There are people on this site who have never adopted, are in the process, are dealing with loss, have encountered 'failed' adoptions, or aren't even sure exactly what they want to do.
And there are people who post to these sites, who answer some of the issues, then add words similar to:

........you know, be careful of people who want only closed adoptions because they only want your baby.....they aren't thinking of your baby or you............they don't know what 'sharing is all about'....they aren't enlightened and have little regard for their babies' future.....etc, etc, etc.

What I find even more discouraging, is that if any birthparent or adoptive parent were to even suggest in a post that they were considering a 'closed or semi-open' adoption, they would be hanging their necks out for sure! (And there are BIRTHMOMS who still prefer a closed, or semi-open adoption for their own reasons......good reasons because they desire it, and I am not in their shoes pretending I know from where they speak, or judging their thoughtfulness in regards to their baby.)


Each of us comes here with experiences to share. Each of us has validity. And each of us seldom knows the other or what the other has been through to arrive at their opinion.

I guess I just wish that each of us could be more considerate, address the issues at hand....and maybe, through each other, we might acquire some knowledge w/o belittling our individual views on a subject that is so near and dear to our hearts.


Linny