[ripples]

Hi Peace,
I can relate to everything you've written and I'm glad that you've found this forum helpful - I certainly did too. Like you, I'd been in denial for over 30 years too. I knew that some other adoptees had been affected by their adoption, but I used to just refuse to believe that I was 'one of them' (sorry for the crassness, but that's truly what I used to think). It's hard realizing that I, too, have some very deeply painful stuff to deal with - that I am included among 'them'. I found that joining an in-person post-adoption support group was helpful. By the way, if you do an online search for 'Kaplan Silverstein adoption', there's an excellent article on the 7 core issues of adoption. The emotions that you'd written about are outlined in their article.

It's been over a year since I found my birth family and I've learned that these complex feelings will always be with me to various degrees of intensity. I've found it also helpful talking with others who, while they're not adopted, share similar ingrained emotions (eg. as a result of surviving child abuse). While their sources of emotional pain are different, the emotions that we grapple with are similar. I also saw a counsellor who'd said that fear of abandonment is a very, very widespread emotion. Actually, when I think of the statistics on divorce, domestic abuse, addictions, bereavement, etc; and then you add just how many people are within the adoption triangle, I'd be willing to be that there are loads of people out there struggling with all kinds of painful stuff.

As hard as it is, I find it comforting knowing that we're not alone - it's a rough journey but I guess we're all stumbling around together somehow.

Yours,
Ripples