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We adotped our son when he was five, they called him (Special Needs, ADHD, Defiant disorder ). I call him a child who has lost those he loved, a child who has seen more than most would ever see, a child who uses what he can control to survive, he is my heartbeat. He had behavoir problems, and at times still does, but i feel so would i if i had been where he was. He made great progress from kindergarten to the fifith grade, the biggest complaint was he had no respect for authority. They began to see him as a bad kid, until i asked them to see the other side of the coin. Imagine yourself at two years old, being ripped away from the only family you have know,dropped off a strangers house, social workers and judges, and foster familys all adults, would you respect them ? He is not a child that has had a normal childhood, so why do you expect him to act like a normal kid?. Some would say that he needs to be in special education, but he tested above average in every test they thru at him, i say he needs time and understanding,we as his parents have to go back and teach him those things that no one was there to teach him. Most of his diagnois came from the complaints of his foster home where he spent two and half years. He was medicated for adhd, he was uncontrolable in there home, he was also put on medication at night to make him sleep, he was known to sleepwalk. it took us years to find out that he was abused by his foster father, he witness his friend killed by a shark with his foster family while on vacation. He was threatened never to talk about it or they would kill him, he carried that nightmare with him for five years why you ask, because they took him out of state with out permission, and they were afriad they would lose there licence, and the monthly income. As hard as it was for him to tell us this storie, so many things made sense, you see he use to have nightmares about sharks chasing him, it was what he said every time i asked. Therapist told us he was very aggressive with his toys, he use to tear the head and arms off of all his action figures, the little boys body was found with no head or arms. He drew pictures of sharks in a pool with red daggers coming out of there eyes, that drove most of his art teachers over the edge, therapist told us that was unresolved anger. He would never go swimming in a lake, and always asked if sharks could like in the lakes. All of the signs where there, but who would imagine that this happened. When i questioned the social worker that had his case, she told me he must of seen a movie about sharks and was i sure he wasn't making it up. She had no record of the foster family ever taking him out of the state, in her eyes they were good people. I told her he knew the name of the town and state, he knew the little boys name, and the year it happened. I found the story from the newspaper online, it was as he said it happened,I faxed it to her, and have not heard from her since. The true diagnosis of our son is Post Tramatic Stess Disorder, and we are treating him with EMDR they use this procedure on viets who suffer events from the war. He has made great progress, he can now talk about the things that happened to him, we are his safe place, he smiles more, he is more at peace with himself, the nightmares of sharks are gone, the aggression with his toys are gone. He insist on his windows to be locked and the window facing the street the shade must be drawn, it is the fear that his foster father will find him if he ever would find out he told. But that is ok, whatever we need to do to make him feel he is safe, that is all that matters. He is are son weather we gave him life or not, we will stand behind him and support him, we will see him thru whatever it takes to help him heal, and you can see he now knows that, we have bonded as a family. To me that is what adoption is all about, thru all of this we have never regreted adopting our son, he is a loving child with a big heart,and we are proud to hear him call us Mom and Dad, and very proud of him and who he has become.
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