[kakuehl]

Part 5 - The reunion...an unfinished story

When we left our protagonists they had e-mailed for the first time...

Needless to say I was flying high for my birthday in 2005. D and I began a correspondence by email and IM. Apparently the first thing D and his wife did with the information his aparents gave him was to go to my (church) webpage where my picture is posted. He wrote that he wife looked at my picture and said, "You look just like her!" (Poor guy, he does look more like me than either of my other children.) I just re-read his first e-mail to me and it still makes me smile.

2005 was a momentous year for D. He changed jobs, had a baby (ok, J had the baby!), bought a house and moved, got married, lost a pet to old age, and found his birth mother. (I think that was all!) Ironically, until D & J moved to their new house they lived next door to my sister!

We continued our internet communications for several weeks. D's stepson's birthday was approaching and I asked if I could send him a present. When SS sent me a very polite thank you note he wrote that he hoped we'd meet soon. I screwed up my courage and invited them to my home the Sunday before Thanksgiving when my kids were coming for an early Thanksgiving. They accepted. Needless to say I was on pins and needles!

They arrived and then didn't get out of the car! D told me later that he was fine until he made the last turn before my house and began to hyperventilate! Eventually, they came in! My daughter commented that she had expected the meeting and afternoon to be awkward but that it felt very comfortable. We ate and then spent the afternoon getting to know one another.

Our second face to face was on Christmas Eve. (They came to my house again.) We also spent time together on President's weekend (when they went skiing nearby). They invited the entire family to their house to celebrate I's first birthday. By entire I mean her mother (not father - apparently they're not in the same place at the same time, ever), his aparents and aunt, my kids (and of course lots of their friends). D's aparents and DH and I sort of hung out together out of self defence I think. As the first year ended and the second started, D has included his bfamily in family occasions. His adad seems to welcome us; his mom has had more difficulty, I think. Both D and I have tried to make it clear that she is his mother. Our relationship is special to us both; when I asked him how he would describe it, he said, "Healthy." My response in return was, "Comfortable."

That truly is how our relationship feels: healthy and comfortable. That said, I still worry that I will be contacting him at an awkward time. We mostly IM. They had a second baby this year. She was placed on bedrest for pre-term labor and I took a turn in being there to chase I and take J to doctor's appointments.
I helped D plan a "Last Bash before the Baby" party. Z was born early and spent a couple days in the NICU. I got to spend time there as well.

One of the great things for me has been watching ALL my children together. D being the oldest of three in his afamily as well as his bfamily, very quickly took on the role of big brother for my other two. (Very good for my other son, I think!) J and DD have become close and spend a lot of time together. They live about 20-30min. apart and both have small children. My grandson AJ loves his cousin I (unless they're fighting over the same toy, LOL)

One sadness of the reunion is that D's bdad died in 2000 of cancer. I contacted bdad's widow when I found D since D has a half-brother who is about 10 years younger. I'm hoping that they will be in contact someday. I gave D the info that I had when he asked about his bdad. The ironies abound! His bdad was also a Lutheran pastor and had even roomed with D's adad at some poing in their careers. (Poor D - 2 birthparents and 2 aparents and 3 of them are/were Lutheran pastors.... Now there's a PK - preacher's kid!)

Perhaps one of the most recent highpoints for me was this past Christmas (2006). J invited D's family (a& b) for Christmas dinner. We all had a good time I think. My dad came with me and met D for the first time since D was 2 days old (and jaundiced). I met D's sisters for the first time. (the older sister was adopted from Korea, the younger is bio.) It was nice to put faces with names.

The story is unfinished because the relationship continues. It is certainly my hope that this in only the beginning of a lifelong relationship. My life has been enriched in this past year. I'm looking forward to the next Chapter!