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I met a birthmother at the pool this summer. She heard me talking about how our children are adopted, how we have an open adoption with our baby's first mother, and approached me and told me that she was a birth mother in an open adoption situation with her daughter. She seemed just the way you are saying, not grieving, not really distant, though, just accepting of what she felt she had to do. She has a wonderful relationship with the adoptive family and is happy that things worked out the way they did. I was almost shocked yet happy to talk with her because I was grieving about the grief that our baby's birthmother was feeling at the time (and still feeling). It's hard to be happy when someone else is so hurting. I guess we all do things for different reasons and some of us can confront what choices we make and go on and for others of us, it's much more difficult. I'd call it "resilience". (I'm not very resilient, by the way).
Josie
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