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Hi Peace..... reunited adoptee here 5 1/2 years and counting. You are right when you say that you can actually "see" yourself in alot of other adoptees posts... this IS the ONLY place where I found people who actually "got it"... where they actually understood what I was feeling and such. Denial is a VERY deep river that I think one keeps to prevent having to deal with very difficult feelings. I discovered that even after 48 years... the feelings were there... AND they were MUCH stronger than they'd EVER been before... it was then that I made the decision to do the search for ME... and only for ME... It was something that I'd needed to do all my life... but I had never allowed it the light of day before. I used the fears of hurting my aparents, being rejected by my bmother, finding "bad" people, etc... for SO long it almost felt like it would be permanent... that I would NEVER know the truth... I could NEVER fill in the blanks... that I would ALWAYS have to write.. Adopted... do NOT know medical history ... but one Sunday shortly after my daughter's best friend's mother died and left two daughters.... I suddenly felt a VERY strong urge to locate MY bmom and just let her know that I was OK... I was hoping that it was not too late to find her alive... and I suddenly felt that the time was right. I located her almost immediately using some clues in my social history that my amom had compiled..... I am VERY happy to say that I was not only welcomed with open arms by my bmom... but also from 4 bsiblings and an HUGE extended bfamily who I finally "FIT" with. I was in counseling at the time for issues dealing with my aging aparents... which I think was a major factor in me finally feeling strong enough to deal with anything that I may find in my search...I think I was finally able to integrate the "hurt adopted child" portion of me with the "strong adult" that I had become... and finally accept and come to terms with having been adopted. I wish you well in your journey... I found the chatroom here to be an incredible supportive place... hope to see you there sometime... sal
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Reunited Adoptee
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