[Toolate]

Hi,
I think I can understand some of what you're feeling. I also believe some of those feelings are connected. With a little self-understanding, shortcomings can become positive traits. Some adoptees live with vague boundaries when it comes to relationships, not to mention being able to understand and fulfill those of others. Many of us suffer from abandonment issues (myself included) and an inability to thrive in complex relationships. Perhaps the part of not being able to "leave them alone" is just a statement to the fact that you (we) don't want to be left alone. We hold on to what's dear to us because they've vanished before. It that's true for you, then I can understand the anxiety and fear that you are living with. You may have felt protected when you were "uncaring" and by letting someone into your life exposes all that is vulnerable. Understanding yourself and the people who love you may not prevent you from feeling pain, but it may help you to find peace. Best wishes!