[vbigelow]

I'll bet you will get as many different answers as you do respondants because everyone's set of circumstances is different. I met my son when he was 20. He was always curious about me and he a-parents encouraged him to search. Theoretically, they saw me as an extension of their family. Well, the a-dad did. The a-mom was jealous for a variety of reasons and I had my own resentments (coerced relinquishment being the first). We tried getting together for a few years and found that we were just so radically different (we are all about education; they are Jehovah's Witnesses) and the two mothers so uncomfortable with each other, it just didn't work. Sixteen years down the road, my adoptee son has strong, but different kinds of ties to both sides of his family, but the a-family and the b-family don't interact much.