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Originally Posted by userh6478
I know that both of my birthparents were alcholics, Is there any birthparents here that are too, and are you recovered and did you look for your birthchild. Has anyone have a reunion and how did it turn out. I have found my birthmother but I am scared she is still an alcholic or is recovering and isn't ready, and I am half scared that she will become an alcholic again after this big change. Please I would really like people advice from birthparents and adoptees that is in a situation like this.
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Hi, I sympathise. I am 8 months into reunion with bson who has alcohol problems and drugs too and it has stretched my mental and emotional strength/abilities to the limit. I am in professional counselling to help me adjust to my bson finding me. If you look on the responses to my threads, you will see that people with such problems are very manipulative. Whilst I feel deep love for my son upon reunion, he is killing any chance of us having a relationship with such manipulation. Whether he lies or not, I don't know, but when he very nearly died 3 weeks ago from drugs that very nearly finished him off, I suggested I contact his amum and he put the phone down on me. I have not heard from him since.
I would suggest that you get some idea as to what you are letting yourself in, by posting on this website (which you are doing) and getting feedback, and making sure that you get as much knowledge about the subject as possible. It is very possible that with all the will in the world, if they are on self destruct, they may take you down with them. Saying that, I have a half sister who was an alcoholic and she has made a complete recovery and has been "clean" for quite some years. We have a very loving relationship. I know its not the same as adoption issues, but it shows it can be achieved.
However, having been in this topsy turvy world of reunion, I would really urge you to tread one step at a time, with your heart prepared that you may not like your birthparents. Just because you are blood relatives, doesn't mean that you will like them. Heck, even with my own parents/family, it has been very hard work over the years and I've had to stay away to protect myself, as they have proved toxic.
I have healthy relationships/friends and a good relationship with my sister and mum, so .... tread carefully. Contact AA or whatever is in your country, to ask for advice and assistance as to whether your bmum is likely to go over the edge if reunited with you.
I can honestly say that reunion has proved very difficult and had more downs and ups in our case, but its not true for all. Keep exploring this website for similar situations, and guard your heart. thats the best I can wish for you. All is not lost when there is hope in your heart, tempered with what is reality rather than fantasy. Best advice I had from a professional counsellor - work out what is fantasy and what is reality. Also, try to be realistic as to what
you can and can't cope with.
All the best,