[Suzy]

Just chuckling at how much we all have in common. I loved Debra's comments about not knowing what *normal* behavior is. I am still constantly on the phone with my agency asking whether certain behaviors are because of issues or are just normal behavior. I guess the biggest thing we've learned in this is that as adoptive parents of special needs kids it is too easy sometimes to say "oh, that is normal 3 year-old behavior", or whatever age, only to realize a few days later that there are underlying issues. I think Debra is probably right about younger children possibly being easier. We do love the ages of the kids we have and wouldn't trade it for anything.

What Indy said is also so true, that when you don't know anything different... I was thinking about that the other night after reading your initial post and that it is really hard to compare because all of our situations are so completely unique. Our children are all so different and each come with their own set of challenges. Its hard to say whether 3 is harder than 1 when 3 is all I've ever known. And then once you go back to do it again you are no longer first-timers so you still can't compare since now you have the experience of parenting. We are fortunate that our children have adjusted well and the issues that we deal with seem relatively minor compared to the trauma suffered by so many other kids. However, that was divine intervention just plain and simple. When the children walked in the door we literally knew nothing about them. I don't know where anyone else stands on their faith and spirituality, but for us we knew God had our names written on a child's heart somewhere just as with birthchildren. We followed in faith the direction we felt led to by Him.

No child, bio or adopted, comes with any guarantee. I have often wanted to respond to certain comments from friends and family by asking to see the warranty that the doctor attached to their child's birth certificate. If the doctor gave my mother any kind of warranty when my brother was born she would certainly have grounds for a lawsuit!

Our agency suggested respite care also as a good way to test yourself for what you can handle. Our case was initially respite, the agency asked us to do it for 2 weeks and if it was too much they would at least have time to find another placement that could take all three sibs. I guess you know already that we passed our own test.

I know that you and your husband will arrive at a point in the process where you are at peace and will find the children you are intended to parent.

Suzy