[danap2]

I have read your post and the replies are a very good. You can only do what your heart leads you to do. My story in a nut shell I located my B mom about 3 years ago I made contact & thought that we would one day meet I have still not meet her. I have how ever meet my grandmother, uncle and a few other family members I have never meet my 1/2 sister.

She does not want any contact. I have told her many times that I have a wonderful family and only want to know her as a freind and look into her eyes at least once in my life since she was able to look into my some 42 years ago. My heart has been broke that she has not given me that chance, yes she has a family and so do I and I would not give up what I have now for her. Because if it was not for her fathers choice in 1963 I would not be her today and have my children. I know that she has been through alot over the years I do not know if she ever thought of me or if she ever said a prayer for me I feel that she did & I know that the grandparents did. I have added 1/2 a family, which has been great. They are very kind and loving people and hate that we live 6 hours apart and can not see them more often.

On the other side if the family I also found my b father, he never knew I was born nothing about me. I meet his family my grandmother, aunts, uncles, both 1/2 brothers they opened their hearts to me no questions ask. They have a place in my heart for them. A year ago Feb my b father past away, it was heart breaking since he was my 1st dad and the 3rd dad that I had lost, My a father died when I was 10 yrs old, my step father who was my father the longest, my kids only grand father died a couple of years back the lossing the father that made me. Passed it was hard that I had only know him for a little over a year, and only been with him a few times. But they were all good times that I would not trade for anything.

My biggest fear is that soemthing will happen and I will never be able to meet my b mother. TO hold her once and look intoher eyes & tell her that I a greatful that she allowed me to become me. I do not need another mother, not even a friend, I just need to know her in some small way.

YOu are lucky that your (a) parents, your true parents know what is going on I have not had the heart to tellmy mom any of this out of fear that it will hurt her, because she is my mom and no one can replace that or should even try. But I would love to tell her & have her meet both grandmother...well they would all cry for days. THe strange part of all of this is my mom is about the same age as both grandmothers. All in good but not great health.

Now after all of this is my point, I just wanted you to understand where I am coming from. Take the chance meet her, talk with her. You might never get the chance again. You do not have to become her daughter you are in body but a mother & a daughter is only formed in the heart, no where else. Give it a chance.

Before I found my b parents I had always said I wanted to find them not let them know who I was and visit them at work. Carry on a casual conversion with them. Just see them and hear their voice. Then I would deciede what to do next, I wish I could have done this with her.

Being an adoptee has many things attached with it that others can never understand, we are our own breed with feeling and thoughts that others can not understand or ever think about.

Most of us being our life as an accident a passing 1 night stand ( it will never happen to me). Then we are giving away to someone or a home for a short while, then if you were one of the lucky ones you ended up with someone that wanted a child and could not have one, and then you were the chosen one. Then you are the searcher or the searchee. spelling??) Then you are the one with the broken heart or the heart that does not no what to do. We are just us with roots that run in so many directions that our foundation is strong but at times our branches are weak. WE look out for ourselves and that is who we are, our own person that no one person can claim.

Good luck on your quest it will never be over if you do not accept her request then you will always wander about it and you will never have peace.

So enjoy the holiday season and reach out if only once
Dana