[alisab]

Hope I get this right...

I've joined this chat room, my very first, to respond to this question.

First, my partner and I, after considering various options, desided to adopt a sibiling group though the waiting children process. Over one and a half years ago we were united with our two son's, half brothers, who had been together through their foster care experience. At the time they were 8 and 10, now 9 and 12 (How does that happen?). We had no parenting experience at all.

Well, as all of you know, this alone would mean a huge evolution in our lives (never parenting before). Today, I am a parent and, believe it or not, I am happy about it too. It may be that we recieved higher functioning children than many I've heard about, but we have been growing into a family in a very real and loving way - all of us. When children are older it seems to be a more conscious choice about coming together - like an arranged marriage.

There were many stages that I went though and I'm sure my family (a word that has real meaning) did as well. Here are some of my experiences:

Doing dishes and laundry all the time. Guessing at what was really important - how to guide children and where to guide them to! Having a hard time, especially about compentency with my new job as parent. Grieving the loss of my old life. Not liking the boys. I must put these boys first in my life! Feeling like I'd entered the portal of hell. So much work! Fearing that I would be overwhelmed. Thinking I'd made a big mistake. Finding the general (maybe dictator) within. Setting boundaries, so that I could stand living with these kids. Calmer times, sometimes the boys would be so silly and funny. They are really willing to do chores, as long as I'm working too. Experiencing my own sillyness. Feeling love back and forth. The different ways the boys reach out to us.

Well, I'm sure we will have more challenges, especially as they get into thier teens. But we are doing pretty well now - as a family. I really like it and I feel really lucky.

I think that I'm not very different than many others who are approching adoption, even those choosing waiting children. Regardless of all the training and reading and support meetings we went to prior to getting the boys, we really didn't have a clear idea of what getting children would be like. Children, children, children pulsed through our brains, moreso as we got closer to the end of our homestudy. Then it happens, and it can be very hard, it felt hard to me. After a while things got easier, but we also needed support. We have a lot of support and we will continue to build more.

I've kicked drugs, alcohol, dyslexia (though my spelling will always be rough), depression, and death of a partner to cancer. As you can see, I've had my challenges, but nothing in my life has been more challenging than this. Still, I'm glad I did it.