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love4 - your story is encouraging and I am so happy for you that it makes me smile as I read your posts. Our stories are so similar that it could be me writing those posts. The parts about not answering when I call. She only has a cell phone which I pay for and she can see who is calling. People with biological children who I tell about this say "Cut her off". Don't pay for that phone, her car, her car insurance, her college tuition etc. But she is my daughter. I will not "cut her off" just because I don't like how she is treating me right now. I think that she has to know that I support her 100% in every way possible. I try to be there for her no matter what. If she slaps me (figurative), then I turn the other cheek. It is what God told us to do. It hurts but I hope that some day she will see that I was always here to help her in any way I can. Some people say just "cut her off" in any way (monetary, emotional - not love - just sympathy, empathy for her everyday problems, rescue - for problems she gets herself into, etc.). They say that this will let her see and appreciate how much I do for her and how much I love her. Somehow this just doesn't seem right to me. It is something a loving mother should not do. My belief is that we should be a rock that is always there. But even a rock can break and can only take so much pressure. There are people who recommend tough love but it doesn't feel right to me. This is not about drugs, smoking, alcohol or illegal behaviors. I think it is something I have to live through and learn to let go of as you said. It is very hard for me. I am a "fixer". No matter how hard I try I just cannot "fix" this right now. Our stories will always be different from our friends who only have biological children. So too, will our children's stories be different from their friends who had biological parents. They have dealt with this from very early on, even when they were not very well-equipped to handle it in the early years in school when family tree assignments were handed out, etc. Or, when a friend would say "but she's not your "real" mother". My pain at hearing that was agonizing. My response was to go over to that little girl and say "here, pinch me - see if you think I'm real". I also told her that we brought Sh home from the hospital just like her parents did. But what thoughts went through my daughter's head at times like this? Oh well, it will always be different. It is what we entered into in the beginning. We just didn't know it at the time. I know I will continue down this path. I have no other choice. I will be dragged there as well. I hope and pray that there is a rainbow or even just light at the end. You may not be at the rainbow yet but I think you can see the light at least. I am very happy for you both. I hope God brings you both peace and happiness this Christmas. If you are not a Christian I wish the same for you in whatever your faith is. For me I ask for patience and courage to continue to walk this painful journey. For my daughter it is as it has always been and always will be - a prayer for peace, happiness, safety and health. Merry Christmas to all. May God bless us all with the peace and happiness he gave to us all many years ago. No matter what that was the greatest gift of my life.
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