Jen,
Thank you so much for your post. Truth-telling is difficult, and may not win you many friends, but it is absolutely needful. I know that the stressors on the care-givers are enormous. I also know that they are overworked and underpaid and struggling. They also are Russian, which has an entirely different child-rearing culture than ours.
Our impression was that DD was in a hospital in which every child was expected to die within a reasonable time. (We got the impression that one of her birth-siblings had been there as well and had died there -- the other possible interpretation was that birth-mom had come and retrieved him, but not DD). But, oddly, DD did NOT die, as expected. At 2 years 3 months, she had dreadful diarrhea (shigellosis, undiagnosed and untreated), and weighed only 17 pounds (also pinworms and hookworms, undiagnosed and untreated), she'd apparently survived by snatching and secreting food whenever she could. When first in the hotel room with us, she lined up our shoes, scrubbed the walls and refigerator and bathroom, lined up her clothing, and generally tried desperately to show us what a good hard worker she was (this, at 2 years 3 months old!)
DD was definitely NOT a favorite. The night we came from court and papers to pick her up, the orphange doctor had changed into a red dress and had already gone through over half a bottle of vodka with a handsome, surly, scary-looking man in a black leather jacket. I asked the translator whether they were sending a bottle or something with DD, and Herr Doctor stood up (to her full 6' 1" height, in her red dress) and screamed (as translated): "NO MORE QUESTIONS! SHE'S YOURS NOW! IT'S OVER! GO! LEAVE NOW!"
(Man in leather was the one who took our payment in the dark alley behind the hospital -- not to mention that the car trunk had to be left open so that various people could claim their loot -- unfortunately, our agency had broken $$ down so that we did not know precisely what went to whom -- when DH did not hand over everything -- thinking that the separate charge indicated in the paperwork was to be handed to the interpretor, the man in black leather slid into the car with me and DD and was screaming out the window at our driver and our translator. I'm now very clear that had DH not apologized and handed over the other 2K, (a) DD, DH and I would have been shot dead in that alley, or (b) DD would have been snatched and rushed back inside to the loving arms of Herr Doctor.
Once home, DD "stole" and hid food (our answer was to put toddler food out, all day, every day, on every flat surface that she could reach, so that she was never more than scuttling distance away from finger food -- it worked -- she stopped stealing and hiding food within 2 weeks). Also sent her to bed each night with a very, very stale bagel, something she could hold and suck and gum on, but could not choke on. Food security increased hugely!
Wow. Sorry to ramble.
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