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I would highly recommend the book 20 Things Adopted Kids Want Their Adoptive Parents to Know by Sherrie Eldridge. It seems to me from reading this book and The Primal Wound that your son already knows he is different from other kids. This book gives some specific ideas on how to talk about adoption and how to encourage the feelings and flow of communication. It may also help you understand your role as adoptive parent and not be threatened or undermined by the fact that he really has two sets of parents.
I would select a few close friends and of course family to start talking about adoption with, even in front of your son. When you see a pregnant woman, tell him that there is a baby in her tummy. Then you can sit him down sometime and explain that he did not grow in your tummy but in someone else's. Then you can say that he is adopted, and adopted means that he grew in someone else's tummy. At this point I'd leave it alone and let the questions come as they may.
I think I made the mistake of telling too many people that my kids were adopted. I didn't want them to be ashamed or think it was a big secret. However, I'm beginning now to realize that it is private information that belongs to the child. I face this every day as my daughter is very striking, and obviously doesn't look like me.
Hope this helps - I think you will benefit with a little research and keeping your eyes open to what your son will ask, which you are already doing!
Jane
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