[Howdy]

I adopted an older child from foster care and one reason I would recommend adopting a younger child is that kids don't stay little very long. I can't believe how quickly they start to get rebellous and teenagery. Mine is only 10 yrs old but her friends are taking my place already. She doesn't sit in my lap much anymore (tho she's getting so big that might be a good thing), she has her first real boyfriend (first one who is aware he is the boyfriend and doesn't vehemently deny it), all she wants to do is talk on the phone to her friends, wants to go places with them instead of with me (I just get to come along to drive and pay), etc.

Worst of all she has more teenager-like emotions, including anger. When she was younger she was much easier to deal with when she was emotional, she'd want to be held and carried, or if she claimed she didn't want to be touched, she didn't want me to go away either.

But now she will go door-slamming off to her room and be ferocious about it. She has also gotten a relationship with knives (threatening to cut herself, kill herself, stabbing pillows) that makes me very anxious.

I don't feel like I had enough time to be a mom in a cuddly nuturing way.

On the other hand, I'm not sure I want to get another child. Maybe someday. It would be nice to have a second child already established in the home, but the first year takes so much emotional energy and I don't know how I could do it and still have enough of me left over for the first child.

And I'm not sure my daughter will survive to adulthood because she is so suicidal. Too many bad things happened to her during her first 7 years, her self-esteem is very very thin, and her resilience is non-existent. She told a counselor that if one more person abuses her, she is going to kill herself. And I think she would.

So, if your goal is to be a mom and raise a normal child, I'd say adopt very young. If your goal is to sacrifice yourself, possibly actually lose your life (or your other family members..my sister was killed by her brother-in-law's foster son), in an attempt to TRY to raise an older child, then the older children really desparately need parents who will do that.

I'm so happy to have my daughter, but if she hurts me or my mom, and/or kills herself, I won't feel it was worth it to adopt an older child. I tell myself that at least she will have had a few happy safe years, but I know I would be miserable and feel like a failure if she doesn't make it.