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Hi Kathy and Lonni - I just read your posts and they are both very helpful. Just to have someone to talk to about this is incredibly helpful. It is important for me to know that I am not the only one to go through this. I know that I've been and am a good mom. Lonni's description of a square peg in a round hole and being "nasty" to her mother sounds so familiar. I don't want to alienate any birth mothers. I want to again say that I really like my daughter's birth mother. We have a good relationship and we even do things together, sometimes without our daughter (boy, that's hard - I haven't used that phrase before - but she is our daughter). I've been used to being called Mom and she's her birth mom. It's kind of been like two separate things. This is really stream of consciousness. I'm putting this together as I type. Anyway, she is a good and loving person. I know she cares about me and knows how painful this all is. I will do whatever it takes to help my daughter be happy, healthy and whole. I just wish that rejection by my daughter wasn't one of those things that I have to experience. Both her birth mom and I are trying to put this together for all of us. We all have the best intentions in the world. I am so glad I found this forum. Thank you both for writing back. It is so incredible to talk to people who understand what I am going through. If I tell anyone about this they just feel sorry for me. I don't want pity. I want hope for the family and relationship I had with my beloved daughter. I can share. I just don't want to be left out. Why is this so hard on everyone - adoptee, birth mom and adoptive parents? Her birth mom and I both have boundless and selfless love for our daughter. She in the beginning had to have the selfless love for her child that she wanted her to have a family who could love and take care of her in every way she couldn't at the time and now at the other end I have had to find that same selfless love to help my daughter be happy, healthy and whole again. I hope someday my daughter will be able to fully understand how much two women loved her that they would give up their own selfish happiness because of the endless love we have for her. For adoptees, I hope you read this and really understand it because it is very important. There are two people in this world who would do anything for you without ever thinking of themselves. They have both already proved it. Again, Lonni and Kathy, thank you so much. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me to be able to reach out to someone who really understands and relates to this.
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