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Ionni - I hope your post gives some of these amoms hope. Unltimately, reality is better than fantasy, at least in my opinion - although some people would say that I live in a fantasy world all the time because I try to look for the positive!
Momtoshan: in addition to my birth son, I raised 2 younger children. My daughter would like to have believed she had another family I think. When she was a teen, the parents of her friends would tell me what a wonderful girl she was. At that point, if she did talk to me it was nasty. (It was really hard to look for the positive.) She went to college several hours away. Gradually she started calling me more and now we have a very good relationship (she's 28) but I still have the sense that her "family" of friends are more important to her than I am. (Do remember that appearances can be disceiving - her relationship with her birthmom/family may not be as rosy as it appears from the outside.)
As a birthmom I truly hurt for the afamilies who have been rejected by their kids. The little I've heard about my birthson's adolescence parallels many of the stories I hear here. He actually moved out when he was 16. By the time I came into the picture however, he and his parents had rebuilt their relationship. I can understand his mom's uneasiness with his decision to have an ongoing relationship with me and his birth siblings. I do not want to replace the parents who raised him - they are his family. I am pleased to be part of his life. Christmas will be interesting. I get to meet his 2 sisters for the first time.
Being a birthmom in "reunion" is a challenge. He is part of my heart but legally we have no connection. His aparents are his parents! and yet there is a unique connect between D and me. I asked D once how he would describe our relationship. His answer was healthy. I hope that's the same way he would describe his relationship with his parents as well. As you can tell, it's hard for me to figure out exactly what the relationship between us is. I only know I care deeply about D. Knowing him and his afamily enriches my life. I hope his family feels the same way.
I truly hope that those of you who feel like you have lost your children find healing.
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