|
Of the seven children we've adopted.....four were infants. Two of those four are now grown and doing very well (adopted as infants). Three in the middle came to us as older child adoptions, and two were biologically related. The first went into residential after almost four years with us. He has dangerous behaviors and has been in residential for many years. He will be an adult this year, has had severe RAD and his conditions have not improved. He will never live at home.
The second older child adoption lived with us for many years and became assaultive. We were allowed to reverse his adoption because of the danger he presented to our other children.
The third older adopted child, is being adopted by relatives because of his fear from the incidents of the other child, and the attachment issues he has. He lived with us for many years as well.
The last two have been infant adoptions and continue to do well. We can say with almost certainty, that we would never adopt a child over the age of 12 months again.
I had majored in psychology; also have a degree in elem ed. Have taught in a behavioral disordered school and dealt with many BD kids enough that dh and I thought we were pretty well prepared. We were wrong.
Granted, I know there are some older child adoptions that have worked well. But, Lorraine words it right on the nose. Keep in mind that this is NOT like raising a child from infancy. As far as I'm concerned, raising children such as we tried meant that we were more like the counselors, than the parents. We put our other children in harm's way, we ended up with a dead family pet, and we literally lived in fear many times.
Make sure that you are more than well-versed; and be prepared to admit if a particular placement isn't working out before finalizing. Do not keep in mind that 'these children need you'.....if everything you've known to be solid and good is falling apart. True, they need family, but there are some children who fit better into some families than others.
My best to you. But I have to say, I would be one of those people 'trying to talk you out of it'.
Sincerely,
Linny
|