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The key to adopting the older child is to understand where they have been, realize that there lack of respect for adults and autority sometimes comes because it is adults who have hurt them or let them down. Except that they are not perfect, find the resources that will help you both thru some hard times, your caseworker should be able to help you with that. We adopted our son when he was five, he is now eleven, he has come a long way since he came to live with us, he shows symthom of ADHD, and is on Medication. I do not lie to my son, i tell him the way things are, yes his life started out badly it was not his fault, it does not mean he has to continue on that road and it is never an excuse for bad behavior ! think about how that child feels when they come to live with you, they have to be scared, they now are living in a strange house, sleeping in a strange bed, and soon calling someone else Mommy !. Some kids in foster care are never sure if the next family is forever, they never know if tommorrow they will have to leave. So they do not trust, they do not let you in to there heart right away, it takes time a structored home, patence and a lot of love. I made up a silly little game with my son, it was called " The never let me go game" we played it with my son every night for the first year consisting of kisses and tickles and lots of " I will never let you go, I am keeping you forever " you find a way to break the wall they put around there hearts, they are survivors. I agree with the others, do your homework, get as much history as you can on the child you are interested in. DCFS has children that have mild to severe emotional issues you must know what you can handle, research the different disorders and treatments. But most of all if you want to adopt that older child go for it, just be prepared, educate yourself. Every child is different, every emotional issue is different for each child, some children live in the past holding on to the painful past, that they can't see how much better there life is now, until they are able to heal, healing takes time. It is not easy, at times it can be frustrating and difficult, but it can also be very rewarding and well worth the effort.
Good luck to you..
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