Yes, I think it is a definite possiblity that they will feel they are betraying their own parents if they call you mom and dad (depending on their relationship, etc). In our case that is certainly a big issue, since our son is 15 and has a living "dad". He will often refer to us to others as "my mom and dad", but I doubt will ever call us that to our faces. HOWEVER, "Mr and Mrs" seems really distant. Our son uses our first names. Maybe since yours are a little younger you could phase it in with "Mom Jane" and "Dad Bob" or similar, and then when they feel comfortable they may shift to just mom and dad.
ps to Mom2blessings - you asked her if they are against the adoption because they don't want to change their last names. If they are like my son, it wouldn't be that at all. A. very much wants to be with us forever, and is totally committed to being a member or our family, but he just can't emotionally handle a legal adoption, or a name change, etc. because of all his loyalty conflict issues. So many of these poor kids feel like they are betraying their birth parents, In A's case, he'd feel like he was hurting them (and I know it WOULD make them pretty upset) and he is so parentified he worries constantly about "what would happen to dad" if he got depressed. And to make it even more complex, his birth mother died when he was 6, so he feels like her name and her status as his only "mom" are all he has left of her. I don't know if I'm explaining this well - but just wanted to make the point that the boys in question very likely are NOT opposed to the adoption or in need of family counselling because of that.
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Originally Posted by SquirlyGirl
This is such a great thread. I am a soon to be adoptive mom to 2 boys ages 12 & 9.
I have a question that I am struggling with. So far the boys have been calling us Mr D and Mrs. K. I would like for them to start calling us mom and dad, but I want to be sensative to their feelings for their mom and dad. To be fair I haven't brought it up to them yet, but am trying to figure out how to bring it up.
We know that they want to keep their last names when we finalize, I am hoping that we can convince them to hyphante their last names.
Did you feel it a betrayal of calling your adoptive parents "mom" and "dad"? Should we suggest alternatives? If so, like what, ma and pa? I really don't like ma.
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