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Hi, I have a biracial son, adopted internationally from Brazil, and a Korean daughter (ages 8 & 7). The Brazil adoption was very hard, so we went with an "easy" country the 2nd time around. Now, we are hoping to adopt a special needs sibling pair, any race except CC (we think adopting white would be sending a wrong message to our kids.) We had a very dark AA foster daughter who recently got returned to her mom. I come from a racist family. But my dad has a big heart... I get that from him. I remember growing up that I didn't like "all the minorities" in K-Mart (now I feel at home in WalMart, and seek out diversity.). I have not felt racist since being out on my own (I am 42 now), and ESPECIALLY since adopting my kids. Now, we have AA friends and live in a diverse neighborhood and I LOVE it. I would not be happy in an all-white neighborhood. My parents are not happy about us adopting again, although they have given us their blessing because they don't want to lose us. They love my 2 kids. When we had our foster daughter, my mom said it was hard for her. But more than anything, she loves me and will stand by whatever my family does. My mom has said that she is much more open to other races since we adopted our kids. But when we had our dark foster daughter, it kind of felt like "in your face" when we would bring her to my parents' house. But my husband & I WANT to adopt AA, if for no other reason, then because "I" want to be the mother of AA children. If down the line they hear a racist remark from someone in my extended family, could be one of my parents, a brother, a cousin or uncle, then it will present an opportunity for me to discuss racism with the child. Racism is definitely very much alive and minority children with white parents need to learn about it, and to be proud to be who they are, and to just know that people have misconceptions about race. Especially people who do not have any friends of another race. My parents would see the news every day in Chicago, and it's all about the black people & killing, fires, drugs, etc. That's why they are racist, because of what they hear on the news; it formed their views. I know I've been across the board in this posting, it's a complicated subject. Bottom line is, if in your heart you want to adopt AA, then do it. But also know that your kids WILL find out at a pretty early age, one way or another, about their grandpa's views, and you will need to spend lots of time explaining bigotry and why people think that way, and why your father thinks that way. Children trust their parents. Racism is an awful thing, and if they face it from your dad, it might actually bring you & your child closer, because of the discussions it will create between you. It is a very hard thing. Are there other AA people in your community that you are friends with, other AA children in your neighborhood? Because you would definitely want your children to "fit in" in the neighborhood & at school. That would help them be proud of who they are, make them feel comfortable with themselves and be able to not be knocked down by racism. Hope this helps in some way. Julie in Madison, Wisc.
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