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Hi
I am kind of amazed to find this post as I happen to be a DH who is not yet sure about adoption. Actually let me correct, I am perfectly ok with adoption and hope to adopt at least one child, but I still want to have biological children.
My wife and I have been married for a long time i have always wanted kids more than she did (when we married i wanted 3, she wanted 2, we later agreed on 2). As time went by, she would always say ' we will have them whenever men can have babies'. We started to talk about adoption and as I liked the idea, i was keen to have one and then adopt one.
18 months ago, without much discussion she just told me she had decided she would not have our kids, she would only adopt. I tried to tell myself i was ok with that, found i wasn't and tried to talk with her about. It didn't go well, she took the fact that i still wanted our own children as a threat to our marriage. She has since told me i am being selfish. We can't talk about it as she see it is a marriage division. I have since been quietly trying to figure out why i want my own. She does not have a strong need for biological children, doesn't want to wreck her body and thinks adoption is great. I respect her decision, but i need to make mine.
Watching my sister's families, looking at my relatives, tracing my family tree, i am very proud of my lineage, where i came from and I do want a genetic link. Perhaps it is simple and primative, but that's how i feel.
I am glad to see from this article that I am not completely crazy for having these feelings, and certainly reassures me that before if we adopt, i must be completely sure that is what i want, with no regrets. I don't think i am closer to a decision, but thanks to the writers and the questions assuring me i need to make one.
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