[Niclayson]

To Diane and any other forum member who has endured or is enduring this issue,

My whole reason for posting was to connect families who are experiencing attachment issues. You are so NOT alone. I was not kidding that I get emails nearly every week.

I think that social workers and agencies really do not prepare adoptive parents well for this possibility. I was literally told "it doesn't happen with infants." Well, Trey is living proof that it does.

My purpose though is not to point fingers but to link us so that we can support each other. Attachment issues, on some level, if the child is older than 6 months are actually quite common. It is a disservice to adoptive parents to not prepare them.

As Diane said, most parents come home and report Cinderalla endings, and then those who have issues wonder what the heck is wrong with them. I also would like to point out something obvious to me (but probably less obvious to others in process) is there are not a whole lot of oldies here all the time. Most people come home, post during the early honeymoon phase about how great everything is, and then never come back. How do we know things stayed blissful? Most parents I spoke with did NOT initally have issues. From most that I've spoken to, things got ugly about one month after coming home.

Please understand that I am not here to depress anyone in process or scare you either. I simply want you to prepare for these POSSIBLE attachment issues. Read everything you can find now while you are waiting. Search now for an attachment therapist so you know where to go for help if you need it.

For those suffering through this, trust yourself to make the right choices, and hang in there. Your child needs you more than you know. They are fighting to learn how to love and trust. They are incredibly frightened and want so much to feel safe and secure. They want to love you but are simply afraid you'll leave them too...just like all the other adults before you. Just keep loving. It will be worth it.

And I am always here to talk. I know I survived because I had the support of other adoptive parents...they were my life-line. Now it is my turn to return the favor.