[kauai2k]

and we have lived through a similar situation.

Hello - I began participating on this forum just shortly after receiving our referral of a 3-week old boy in Sept of 2005. Receiving our referral was the quickest part of the process...from that point on it got tough. We survived over 4 months in PGN and eventually successully brought home CJ at just over 10 months.

When we brought him home he was extremely ill - with a severe wheezing/asthma problem. Apparently he had been treated for at few episodes of this throughout the adoption process, but our attorneys never told us when we received "medical" updates.

Bringing him home was just the start of our challenges.

Having a baby - who is at a critical stage of bonding and attachment - taken from the only family he has ever known (his wonderful foster family) is very traumatic for the baby. CJ struggled. He cried, cried, cried. He wouldn't sleep. He wouldn't make eye contact. He was afraid.

We have been home for 4 months to the day. In that time, there has been only one 2-hour period that either one or both of us has been with him. He has made strides every day. And so have we.

If you are a first-time parent who has longed for and waited a long time for a child - only to endure a heartbreaking and lengthy adoption process - be patient. Be patient with the baby, be patient with yourself and your spouse. You will feel things that you never were prepared for. You will be scared and worried...you will have good days and bad days. Take them as they come.

Your child will grow - and bond - and attach. In his own time. You can't force nature. You can only love, as Natalie has described. Many members of this Guat forum are fortunate enough to bring their children home before the age of six months and for you - this is a wonderful thing. But for others, we bring home older babies who are at critical stages of infant development. In one moment they are removed from the security that they have known. They are no less babies, still primitive in their emotions and behavior.

Thank you for talking about this, Natalie. I have been reticent to post our experience because so many stories are all polly-anna happy and I just didn't know how to talk about our situation.

Best to all - diane