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Originally Posted by gwennspeak
Hi it's Gwenn again....so now the Aunt/PBM want to come to our house on Saturday. I am about to call the whole thing off today. In fact, she is 7.5 months pregnant and it is her second consecutive pregnancy (2 months between) which means she may go early. Even if she went full term though and I stayed in this there would simply be no time to work out all the other issues such as the father's agreement (which we don't even know if there will be)....that takes time doesnt' it? I am not taking the baby home and I will not be at the birth (which is what I wanted and why I am doing private adoption)....there is almost no way this can all happen in 6 weeks ... also I get this feeling the PBM isn't all that sure SHE wants this. The Aunt is orchestrating everything! i just need to tell my Consultant and then I'm going to wait for the RIGHT situation. I'm going with my gut. I think they'll be upset but they should have been more upfront weeks ago!
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So sorry this is happening to you, Gwen. What a tough decision all the way around. I think it is a good decision to let go of this situation if in fact, the expecting mom is not the one wanting it. This is NOT the aunt's decision to make. It would be regretful if the mother felt coerced by anyone to place her child, for you, for her, for the child.
As for being upfront, I think we need to remember that many potential adoption situations come from crisis, which breeds a bit (or alot) of chaos! If things were in line and everyone were working together, they may not be having to make this difficult choice. Just something that might help with future matches. THey can be messy and sometimes you have to go with alot of unknowns to see if it will work out. As this situation unfolded, it became one that you aren't willing to work with, so that is when you have the control to say this one is not for me.
And just another word... from my perspective, the last reason one should consider a private adoption is so that there is the hospital room/delivery experience. THis also is completely the expecting mother's decision how much or even in she wants someone else to be there. The time in the hospital is not about the hopeful adopting family or their needs. It is about what the woman giving birth needs... and that is time and space to be with her child, to experience HER birth the way she chooses, surrounded by people she chooses, without any pressure from anyone. Just something to think about, something I learned that helped me get through our placements.
Hoping the next one comes to you soon!