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Lorie:
I'll answer your questions the best I can. First of all, I am an adoptive parent and realize the sacrifice you made for your child. My adopted children know of their birthmother's love for them -- and yes, I told them they were adopted from day one. Being adopted is not a negative thing, I will never express it as such. It is a blessing for both my children and for me and my husband. As far as it being a policy to tell the child they are adopted.... There is no real LDS position on that. It is decided by the adopted parents. But I believe, especially now a days, that adoptive parents are open and upfront about their child being adopted, and it is not viewed negatively.
As far as your letter... My children got letters from their birthmothers up front and I keep them in a special file. I will give them to my children when they are "ready" -- ie. when they are old enough to appreciate it and hold it dear to their hearts. I don't know what adoption thru LDS was like back in '86 but nowadays, the letters are sent directly to the adoptive family and the adoptive family can give it to the child whenever they want.
I hope this helps.
I have 2 adopted children (ages 2 and 6). They were placed with us at birth. I call them my special children from Jesus. They call me their special mother from Jesus. But they know they did not grow in my tummy but in my heart.
Good luck. And God bless you.
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