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Originally Posted by gwennspeak
Hi everyone, this is my first time posting. We are trying the private adoption route ...advertising etc. and are entering our fifth month. I do believe we will eventually find our child but we are in a very difficult situation with a birth mother who pursued adoption before letting the boyfriend know. So after getting so close, getting to know the family (she lives with her Grandparents and doesn't work but they do), loving the family, the birth mother is a beautiful sweet girl (who has an 8 month old and is due late January) and getting picked to adopt the child....the father who has been in and out of jail, is 29 and has no means of support, but does have contact with the other baby though he doesn't pay child support....is vetoing the whole thing! There is still a tiny bit of hope that someone will talk some sense into him but I don't think so...We worked so hard, drove so far to meet them, spent the day (our consultant said it's unusual but said it's fine because they live in the next state and it might work out) The Aunt calls me every day with updates etc...our profile isn't online yet so when they asked for the profile i stayed up all night making one which was literally a piece of our heart and overnighted it etc. etc. I'm sure this is not a lot to some of you but it was intense and I got excited. And now I wish my lawyer and consultant would say forget it but all they say is keep at it and if it works out great. But i'm attached to THIS situation and feel so connected ....I don't know if I could put so much into it again! Any words of hope and support would be greatly appreciated. I feel hopeless and disappointed. Thanks,Gwenn PS My consultant said it' snot over until the baby is born! But it's 72 hours in their state so do we wait while the child is at home??? Will they ever give up a baby once they've taken her home? This a very difficult situation.
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Adoption is not for the faint of heart. That is the bottom line. Sometimes all you can do is hang on and hope as much as you can, knowing things may not work out this time but they will the next.
Your consultant is right... the decision will not be completely made until after the babe is born. And as I look at it, I would never, ever want the first mother of my kids to think they weren't given enough time and space to make their decisions. It that means that babe would go home with them for awhile then so be it. I'm not sure how much I would have hoped things would work out if they would have, but that's just the way it is. We were quite certain that the placement of our son would not happen on the second day. In fact, like you, his first mother was already parenting another beautiful little boy and I could not imagine that we would, in the end, choose to place. But she did. Those days weren't easy, but I am grateful for them as she was able to make the decision SHE needed to.
I think you will be amazed how resilient you are in the end. I could not believe as time marched on in our wait for our family how much I could keep hoping and when something didn't work out, how soon I was able to suck it up, get back on and try again... one day at a time... you can do this...