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I think the comment above that it's a lot like couples that live together for a long time without getting married is a good metaphor that people might find easier to understand, but I suspect for most kids, the gulf feels quite a bit bigger because they're not a willing partner in the arrangement - it was a situation in which they had no control.
RE: Books
My disclaimer is that I haven't read any of these, but there are a few around that look promising.
The same Charlotte Lopez/Ayanna noted earlier wrote a book called "Lost in the System" chronicling her journey through the foster care system.
You could also have a look at "Orphans of the Living: Stories of America's Children in Foster Care" by Jennifer Toth, or "Foster Care Odyssey: A Black Girl's Story" by Theresa Cameron.
I should probably do some reading myself.
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