[Ferney]

Sorry I've been gone for a while. I have been really occupied.

I am having a lot of emotional turmoil lately surrounding my open adoption. I have an Aunt in my biological family that is giving me grief about my view of family. This is the story.

I tell her that I feel the woman who raised me deserves (and is going to get) the title of Mother. She feels the biological connection is everything. I don't!!! There is so much that is going on here. . . it's incredible.

Maybe open adoption works for other people but I feel cursed by god that I am an adult adoptee who was raised in one. I'm going to try and start my story from the beginning. It pains me to tell it but if it helps someone, it's worth it.

I was told that I was given to my adoptive mother at the age of one month. My adoptive mother said she met my biological mother through a mutual acquaintance. The mutual acquaintance took my mother to meet my biological mother and I was turned over to my new home during this meeting. No social workers, home studies etc. They met and I was in a new environment.

I have/had 4 brothers and 1 sister. I phrase it this way because 2 of those brothers are dead. One from substance abuse and the other was murdered. I have one living brother who is a drug addict and the other does not hold legal employment. My sister has a legal job. In short, my immediate biological family is dysfunctional. Actually, as a 48 year old adult, I can see that all of these people were crazy. I'm surprised I'm as sane as I am.

I had to go visit these biological people all of my life. My adoptive mother (called this for clarity) told me she was not legally allowed to adopt me at first because she was not married. In our state, single people were not allowed to adopt until around the late 60's-70's.

In my opinion, this is a wild story. I am leaving out many details because it (1) pains me to tell it and (2) there are so many details! But I will say what bothers me:

1. From the biological family, THERE IS NO RESPECT FOR MY ADOPTIVE MOTHER. They want to pretend that she does not exist. Because of all that happened, she should be embraced into their family.

2. The biological members of my adoptive mother's family do not and have never considered me a member of their family. They have always been cold and distant with me. When my adoptive mother died, they wanted to refer to me as "Adopted child" in the obituary.

3. I have been constantly told what I should feel about this situation. I insist on feeling what I honestly feel about it. AFTER ALL IT HAPPENED TO ME!

4. I find that most of the people I am so called "related" to are less than enjoyable. God help a person who can not get away from their relatives.

I could write pages and pages explaining and telling this tale. I do not like the fact that I am an adult adoptee who was raised in an open adoption. I do, however, passionately believe in open records!!! I want my own adoption records opened. I've heard the argument that it's none of your business. Bill Pearce of the National Council of Adoption told me that to my face at a conference.

I have to continue to write more at a later date. Please ask me questions if you like. There are so many details to this story. I want to be kind to all of you involved in open adoption. I want to be fair to all of you involved.