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PasoJen, I hear you...
I never want to be in a situation where I am paying directly for birth mom's expenses, I don't think. I did however want our agency (nonprofit) to help out with certain (legitimate) expenses based on the flat fee we were paying (e.g., counseling, rent, etc.). (of course, DD's birth mom at first refused expenses!).
I have had some friends really get "burned" by the whole expense thing (and it does call into questions sometimes the validity of the adoption).
Good luck to you finding the right agency, etc.!
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