[redbonec]

Our daughter's birthmother only told her mother and three friends. Aside from them and the doctor, no one else knew. Her father found out the day after she delivered. (Bmom's mom had told him when she came home! It was fine.)

No one else knows. Her brother does not know. Her two children (middle school aged) do not know. She was in bed the last three months of pregnancy, due to contractions. If she was out of bed, she would keep a pillow on her stomach if she sat on the couch.

I also used to wonder if I should talk to her about the decision to keep it secret. But, I have decided, her reasons are her reasons. One big reason is that she knows this is such a crucial age for her children, and does not know how this would affect them. She does plan on telling them later, perhaps in a few years.

I also wonder later how this will affect our daughter. I don't know if I will speak of our daughter's children to her before they know, because if she asks about meeting them (we have met with birthmom once already and her mother for a visit), I also do not want her thinking about how she is a secret, like you mentioned.

I don't know how the chips will fall when they do. When her children are told, we can only see then if they are angry or will be eager to meet her.