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feeling rejected and abandoned
From my readings and experience in reunion, i have cometo accept that abandonment and rejection come with the territory of adoption. Let's face it .. . in order to be an adoptee in the first place, our birth families rejected us . . .maybe out of love . .maybe not, but that is a fact that is hard to get past, especially when one is a child and not absorbing the whole, "your first mother loved you so much she gave you up" theory. For me, feeling rejected and abandoned is my first instinct when somebody is, what i feel, is pushing me away or even if they are moving in too close to my space. Either way - i feel cramped or alone. The solution for me has been (and I'm not claiming this is easy) is to move past those feelings . . acknowledge them for what they are . . . . baggage from adoption and/or negative relationships with family, which even non-adoptees have, and then act "as if" you can do this relationship. I had a therapist who told me once, rightfully so, that feelings follow behavior. So, if we choose the behaviors that show love to others - instead of fear - then eventually the feelings catch up.
Another piece that i have worked hard at is separating me, the baby with no control, from the people that made these decisions for me. I was not bad because somebody didn't want me. I was also not bad because my dad basically ignored me. It was never about me . . .. but I took it on myself, like a children do . .. until they know better.
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